Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Commentary: The Destruction of Amanda Dillon

This commentary may contain spoilers for shows airing this week.

Even though Thanksgiving came early this year with the ouster of Master of Destruction, Mr. Pratt, we still have a few weeks left of his dreck that has to air. And in that dreck is the destruction of Amanda Dillon.

My head is seriously spinning at all the nonsense that has come out of the storyline between Amanda, Jake and David and in the end we are left with Amanda, the stupidest woman on earth, David the most evil man who ever lived, and Jake the biggest pushover ever. Even though Amanda's ultrasound gave a rough estimate of the conception of Trevor, it was Frankie who administered it and last time I checked, he was not a) an ultrasound technician or 2) an OB-GYN. Assuming that Amanda had an OB at the time she was pregnant with Trevor, wouldn't she have had other ultrasounds? Other tests? Wouldn't that doctor have changed due dates, conception dates, etc during the course of that pregnancy? And wouldn't you think that someone like Amanda who had 3, count em THREE likely candidates for baby daddy get a freakin DNA test!?

Shoot, I'm already worked up. OK.... count to 10, deep breath. Find your happy place.

In the worst idea that has ever been broached on a soap.... well, worst is a little strong but it's up there, David decides that he wants a sibling for Trevor and basically blackmails Amanda into being the oven for his new bun. Sick. Disturbing. Twisted. But even more sick, more disturbing and more twisted is the fact that she and Jake agree to it! WHAT!? Are you all sniffing glue? Contracts are drawn up, legalities are discussed and there it is. In order to have a life with her husband, Amanda must first get knocked up and have another baby with David. Hey I can't make this shit up. It's really what is happening.

Conception day is upon us ladies and gentlemen. And it's all supposed to be clinical with Amanda getting artificially inseminated. This artificial insemination is taking place at some out of the way clinic in another city, in the dead of night. Of course, they run out of gas on the way and Amanda starts to panic that if they don't make it to the appointment, she will have to wait another month before she can be inseminated, thus stretching out her incarceration at David's house even longer. So David steers the conversation towards sex in the car and Amanda decides that this is the what she needs to do to make sure she gets good and knocked up. So they do the deed and Amanda feels like a cheap whore. Hey if the Manolo fits.

Amanda can't get over her guilt. She acts like a rape victim whenever she's around Jake. He's getting suspicious. She acts like she's about to become unglued at any second. She keeps running to the bathroom to hurl because she can't stand that she betrayed Jake. I want to feel sorry for Amanda. As much as I love her, and adore Chrishell Stause, I want to feel sorry for her, but I can't. I just can't feel sorry for her. She made her bed, er... back seat, and now she has to live with it.

It doesn't take her long to spill the beans to Jake. It's like a pounding in her head every day, "back seat sex with David" "back seat sex with David" "back seat sex with David" playing over and over. She can't function without awful flashbacks of mounting David in the back of his car and riding him to conception town. And then, after she tells Jake what they did, Jake can no longer function without the same picture in his head. I want to say poor Jake. But quite frankly, he agreed to this idiocy. No, he didn't agree to Amanda boinking David high school style, but he did agree to her having his baby. But whatever sympathy I can muster in this dreck does go to Jake. Plus he got in a well deserved shot at David.

And then we find out that David has a problem with his swimmers. Seems they are too lazy to move towards conception. His doctor believes his motility problem is so severe that not only will he have a hard time getting Amanda pregnant, but it's unlikely he has gotten her pregnant before. Well, this is a new problem for David because he knocked Krystal up way back when, with twins no less. And then he knocked up Krystal again a little over a year ago. But now that this problem is
known, it calls into question the paternity of Trevor. At long last, a DNA test is done! Secretly of course. Far be it from David to let on that there might be a problem.

The DNA test reveals David's greatest fear, not only is Trevor not his, but he's Jake's! Oh happy day. Oh wait, David's not going to tell anyone. In fact, instead of telling Jake and Amanda, who's lives are already in ruins, partly their own doing and partly David's, he instead decides to tell Amanda that he's dying of pancreatic cancer and only has a few months to live.

This crapola can't end fast enough! Please deliver us from this and put us out of our misery. Make it all a bad dream, nay nightmare. Wake us up from these dismal happenings in Pine Valley. Someone save us! Someone save these 3 characters.... 3 of my absolute faves mind you, from the abomination of this storyline!


Sonja said...

Yes, David getting Krystal pregnant a year ago is a bit of a problem with they "he can't get anyone pregnant" theory. One could make the arguement that his sperm's motility has decreased with age (giving him two good swimmers to get Babe and Marissa - as they're fraternal twins, two of his boys hit the mark), but Krystal's last conception was pretty close to Amanda's. Oh, and you forgot to mention Leora - got her mom knocked up too.

About the ultrasounds - the dating is only particularly accurate in the first trimester - the earlier the better. Amanda likely didn't have another ultrasound until the (projected) 20 week mark of her pregnancy, and by that time, there can be significant differences in one baby's size vs another. In a normal pregnancy, when you know when you've conceived, there's only one ultrasound - at 20 weeks. And that's it.

Kathy said...

You're right Sonja, I totally forgot about Leora! David has had some decent swimmers in the past lol

Lois said...

I can't even watch this story line anymore, it's so ridiculous!

Little Libby said...

I have so many ff moments that I can watch the entire show in about 15 minutes. It's just so sad.

Thom said...

I can only hope that this is going to be the last of Pratt's bungled story lines that he has done. This is so far fetched. You know the only thing that I can hope for, and my mom and I discuss this to no end, is that your theory of a dream comes to light. If I were the new writer that's exactly do that to clean up this entire mess. And make it from the time Greenlee went riding off on the motorcyle, veil blowing in the wind. I don't see any other way out of this entire mess that he has created. :)

Monica said...

Thom has the right idea. However the nightmare started right around the time of the whole "Reese is hot for Zach" debacle. Things went downhill from there. Or maybe we can just say that the horrific storylines have been part of Kendall's coma dreams and when she wakes up, everyone helps her sort out what is really and what is just a crazy construct of her unconscious mind.